*if you were to read this, please keep it to urself*
I'm damn freaking depressed..
2 things keep bothering me at the same time..
1st, My love towards wengwai is like fading away
without any reasons. Feelings just fade without knowing,
maybe because that i was always treated
like a toy. how would i even have feelings now? there isn't
any hope left behind for this relationship. all i want us just to
stop wasting each other's time, if this continues, it won't be
good for both parties. maybe he was right that we should just
break up and be friends back instead of lefting nothing behind.
it's somwhoe sad la. duno what exactly should i do with the
feelingless relationship. breaking off this monday.
2nd matter.. it happens so sudden without knowing too..it's been a week in skl, weird thing is there's a guy in my class, he treated me so nicely, i think i might be attracted by his charm le ba.. one day in air-con class, i didnt bring jacket, so i did ask him to lend it to me coz that day i was caught in a cold. i was freezing the whole day no matter how others say their hot.. but i'm in the other way round.. He's realy a sweet guy, accompanied me when i was alone, and even cares about me when i look sad or depressed that time after talking to wengwai. wells, he was the only one who's there for me when i really in need of caring. i really felt those secured feelings when he's around. till today.. when i was out with mya.. told me. something i dun wish to hear. i was not blaming her. but myself.. why do those pple i like always like my bestfriend? i'm really confused. and of course i'm obviously jealous. i duno why, the thought of hatred came back to me. i really hate myself to fall into such situation. why cant i just forget every kindness act by other. wy must pple treat me so niccely till i got mad? why cant everyone just hate me and left me in a world without light? i rather be in darkness, so that my scars in my heart wont overlap again and again? it's so damn fucking painful now. what shld i do? i've promised that i wont cut myself, but i nearly did it already. i'm craving for blood now.. i just cant help it. why cant i just wash off my memories? so painful. it hurts. like nobody's business. cracking of blood vessels in my heart, who will be there? end up no one. coz it hurts .
DEAR READERS! FOR UR INFO, MY FEELING FADE IS NOT BECOZ OF I LIKE SOMEONE!!
IT ALREADY FADES BEFORE I EVEN KNOW THAT PERSON...
